by Alex Fidel

Click here to download the new episode of my radio show-turned-podcast, Freethought. Guests are John Stahl, candidate for U.S. Congress (R, CA-50) and DuelingBarstools.com publician-in-chief Ryan Nohea Garcia. Plenty of good music, too. Your feedback is greatly appreciated!

by Alex Fidel

Rahm Emmanuel won the Chicago mayoral race by a slim margin above 50%. Nothin’ fishy there…

Which reminds me of the line from Zappa’s “Strictly Genteel”-
‘may the lord have mercy for the people of Chicago,
for the terrible food
these people must eat’

I’ll try and keep an eye out for what Mr. Doesn’t Let a Crisis Go to Waste is doing in Chicago, as [fairly] elected mayor.

(Side note: should I fear for my life for writing this article?)

by Alex Fidel

Jimmy McMillan at the New York Governor's race debate, 2010

The very vocal and eccentric founder of the Rent Is Too Damn High Party, Jimmy McMillan, joins KSUN’s own Freethought Radio this Wednesday, Feb. 23rd at 8PM PST.

Now to my surprise, he did not advocate rent controls. Usually people with little knowledge of economics with throw in the idea of rent/price controls, without knowing the unintended consequences of such policies. Maybe Jimmy is just ideologically all over the place. But let me explain as to why the rent is too damn high (fuck yes, that rhymes!).

I’m self-educated on economics. My mentors (who are probably dead) are Frederic Bastiat, Henry Hazlitt, F.A. Hayek, and Milton Friedman. Naturally, I think the crop of SSU economics professors are sub par, but then again, I can’t think of a single college besides George Mason University that aren’t shills for John Maynard Keynes.

Rent prices are meant to show the most productive use of that land, whether it be residential, commercial office space, or torn down to make a farm. Prices are there to make the risk of investment worthwhile. No one is going to invest in real estate if they aren’t going to get a return, although this principle was overturned thanks to Congress, Fannie, Freddie, and the Federal Reserve completely absolving all risk in the real estate market through regulations, diminishing lending standards, and artificially low interest rates, causing the housing bubble that precipitated in the 2008 recession (more on why the housing bubble was caused by the unintended consequences of government policy in our interview with Peter Schiff on March 16th).

The consequences of artificially lowering the price of rent leads to added fees, such as the ability to charge for use of the key, to various other regulate-and-evade cat and mouse games. The lack of financial reward to the landlords’ risk/investment leads to taking away the incentive to provide for basic upkeep; they therefore choose the renter who would accept the most meager accommodations.

There is a sad, yet tragically ironic, quiz put forth by some professor (someone who writes for the Mises Institute) as to whether his students could tell whether a picture of an apartment complex has either been bombed or subjected to rent controls. The similarity is stunning. That leads to the question, which is worse for a country- war, or the bad consequences of good intentions?

As we see in all areas of commerce with little government “help,” competition improves quality and lowers price. As small-businessman and former NM Governor Gary Johnson puts it- ‘best product, best service, lowest price.’

What people often don’t realize is that regulations are often supported by big businesses- they can bare the costs of meeting these requirements, while their competitors, both big & small, cannot. This ends up placing a huge burden on small businesses.

My mom once helped rebuild a burnt down building in exchange for a reserved apartment, where the rent was very low. Today, you would have to do a ton of meaningless paperwork and probably have to pay a fee to some government agency. These have very little effect on the quality of apartments; it only scares away entrepreneurs, causing shortages and raising prices.

A very prominent member of Congress (House or Senate I’m not sure) Jim McGovern left his position to go home and start an inn. However, the cost of meeting fire safety regulation requirements (which he argued had little to no effect on real fire safety, but were just lobbied to be passed by established businesses to keep out people like him) caused him to close up shop. He then returned to the Congress, and warned his fellow liberals about the dangers of over-regulation. While they have the best of intentions, their lack of economic knowledge and obligation to their special interest buddies have many perverse consequences.

The answer is not to get rid of lobbying so that regulations are “pure” and without steering from established businesses/labor unions, because the problem still lies in the absence of economics 101 in the minds of politicians. The answer is to get rid of regulations so that big business/labor never get a chance to get their hands on the direction of regulations in the first place. “Evil” Wal-Mart was in favor of ObamaCare, and now they’re trying to please the Obama administration with their selling of healthier foods as a quid pro-quo for not coming after their non-unionized labor practices. That’s not capitalism. Big businesses would not have to rely on their political connections and subsidies, but rather if they provide the “best product, best service, at the lowest price.” Anyone can emerge from there. Even today, with our heavily regulated, small-business crushing economic environment, boutique shops in all industries can survive, but unfortunately, as Bastiat’s principle of the unseen states, we cannot see all the businesses that haven’t formed because the regulatory framework is so burdensome, it is an ultimate protection of big businesses.

So, if you don’t like big business, support free markets. Now I’m not sure if Jimmy “Rent” McMillan would like to hear that or not… no, really. I don’t know where he stands, because he’s so out there, that he’s not very consistent and is a really tough character to talk to because he blathers on about nothing. But once you’re done, and you listen back to the conversation, it is definitely entertaining to listen to. Tune in this Wendesday at 8PM PST at www.ksunradio.com to hear the man himself. If only someone would tell him that the rent is too damn high because the government is too damn big… I tried, but he just keeps talking and talking and talking and talking…

by Alex Fidel

I’m writing up in the sky again to rant about the TSA.

This time, I went through the metal detector, got my stuff, and walked off. At first, I was relieved and certainly not as pissed off as when I went through the body scanners all those times. But then I thought about the arbitrary nature of putting people randomly through either one. If we were all equally likely to be terrorists, why not search us the same? The whole arbitrary nature reeks of facism (I think I use the term aptly, unlike certain conspiracy theorist individuals whom you all know I dislike).

But anyway, here are some oxymorons: “Liberty Tax” (name of an actual income tax preparations company) and “libertarian socialist.”

by Alex Fidel

Download a podcast of the episode here in case you missed it. Once again we had another weekly installment of our new segment, Dueling Barstools.com On Air, where Ryan and I talked about WikiLeaks, the Teapot Party, private property, and the Fed. And of course excellent music throughout.

by Alex Fidel

Willie Nelson has started a new political movement, called Teapot Parties, as celebstoner.com reports:

All 50 states have started Willie Nelson-inspired Teapot Parties since the singer called for a new political party that “leans a little to the left” after his marijuana arrest  in Texas on Nov. 26. “Tax it, regulate it and legalize it,” the singer says. “And stop the border wars over drugs.”

There’s also a poll on the page as well, with Gov. Gary Johnson as a contender for the “next top CelebStoner.” Vote in the poll!

by Alex Fidel

Download the full episode here.

We introduced our new segment, DuelingBarstools.com On-Air, as well as payed tribute to Leslie Nielsen, and played Frank Zappa’s Apostrophe (‘) album from front to back in honor of FZ’s would-be 70th birthday (Dweezil Zappa is playing Apostrophe from front to back in his current Zappa Plays Zappa tour).

DuelingBarstools.com On-Air will be a weekly segment appearing on the show, which airs every Tuesday at 8PM-10PM PST, only at www.ksunradio.com

We went on for an hour this episode, but we’re going to cut the time down to about 20 minutes going forward.

Add the Freethought Facebook page, too.

by Alex Fidel

Tune into my radio show, Freethought Radio, this Tuesday Nov. 30th at 8PM PST at www.ksunradio.com, because Ryan Nohea Garcia, the head honcho over here at DuelingBarstools.com, is going to be calling in for our new segment called the ‘Dueling Barstools Power Hour’ (yeah… the title needs work). We’ll try to make it weekly, but it will be a recurring segment, weekly, biweekly, or sporadic. We’ll discuss the issues of the day, Gary Johnson, etc.

by Alex Fidel

I recently designated December 18th as National Drink a Caffeinated Alcoholic Mixed Drink Day, to protest the FDA’s ban of caffeinated alcoholic drinks like Four Loko, ushering in a new precedent in alcohol prohibition. Just go for a vodka & Red Bull or an Irish coffee, anything with caffeine and alcohol to satirize this ban (be responsible, of course). (Click the link to RSVP to the Facebook event)

by Alex Fidel

John Dennis interview

by Alex Fidel

Gary Johnson interview

It’s about 10 minutes in… unless you like gnarly technical progressive metal, then you can start from the beginning B-)

The Jackass 3D D-box ticket giveaway goes on until next week (Oct. 26th). Works for CinemaWest theaters only, the one we went to is in Petaluma, CA in Sonoma county.

My name is Alex Fidel. I am 19 years old and attend Sonoma State University as a business major, but I am an [Austrian] econ buff and host my own radio show called Freethought Radio every Tuesday from 8-10PM PST at www.ksunradio.com

My show is mostly music, I am a big metal fan and also a huge jazz-fusion fan. But occasionally I like to shove my libertarian leanings down everyone’s throats, so I will have Gary Johnson on the show October 19th, John Dennis on October 26th, and a mesh between Halloween and the election results on November 2nd.

So I am a libertarian, it’s no secret. I believe in individual rights, that laws should apply equally to all people, and laws like gay marriage bans, Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, and politicians being able to get away with being tax cheats are totally against individual rights and equal justice.

I’m not a fan of Alex Jones, so it gets a little frustrating when the small handful of people that show up to liberty meetings rapidly turn it into the First Church of Alex Jones. I mean really, if the whole point of libertarianism is that our militarism creates the unintended consequences of terrorism, how can these ‘truthers’ be against our military industrial complex when they think the government ’staged’ 9/11? It doesn’t make any sense. Furthermore, if our government was able to stage the 9/11 attacks, why can’t they properly run Medicare/Medicaid, Social Security, Amtrak, USPS, or the DMV? They can’t do anything right; they couldn’t even do ‘Watergate’ right. There is no government conspiracy in 9/11. It was an unintended consequence of our miltary expansion. (If they were efficient enough to do all those things, why cut government? That is the big hole in their logic…) Speaking of inefficiency, the whole reason we ignored the intel we had on the hijackers is because we are so incompetent. Judge Napolitano recently did a thing on FreedomWatch where he exposed the 9/11 commissions’ attempt to cover up their incompetence prior to 9/11, not their involvement. Enough of my anti-conspiracy rant… I’m just tired of seeing infowars ‘inside job’ stuff everywhere. BUT I would never want them to shut up about it, in fact, they should speak louder, because we live in a marketplace of ideas, so as long as we speak non-violently, it’s all good.

So I’m going to be blogging here about current events. I don’t have direct feeds to sources… I can get off my ass and check AP or Reuters once in a while to check all the stuff, but I usually get my current events from Drudge Report or Reason.com’s Hit and Run blog, because they wade through all the extraneous news info and get to the important things. I’m not going to blog about earthquakes or Jonas Brothers news haha. I might blog about music and movies as well. We’ll see.

Religion is a collective group of people’s conception of the natural order of things. Collectively religions accurately depict the natural order of things. Not because they are trying, however.  In fact, most religions tell believers it will elevate them above the natural order of things, or remake the others in its image in order to restore the rightful state of order.

Consider Judaism. It told a group of people they were more special than the natural order, and proved it by enslaving them in Egypt, bringing them out of Egypt, insulating them from the natural order for forty years, and then reintroduced them to the natural order of things, which is fighting to sustain their collective conception of natural order, which, like many other religions, offer interesting possibilities at what the natural order could be if it were the natural order, which it could be if it implemented its conception of natural order on everyone else.

Rather, religions together accurately depict natural order because the global concert of each religion’s actors all acting simultaneously and at once is precisely nature’s order. This is true even of Atheists who collectively function as a single religion. As do Voluntaryists, however non-coercively. And wouldn’t natural order be interesting if people, whom for so long have done nothing but coerce each other, just stopped it already? Then people could get on with figuring out whom they are, and being that person. What I’m saying is the great Greek aphorism – know thyself – is potentially unfulfilled.

Perhaps it requires a moment to understand that natural order is as natural order does. Whatever natural order may be, it always abides by the laws of physics, markets, and providence. So what all religions – and cultures, which like any collective group of people trying to achieve their conception of the natural order play a substantial role in shaping the natural order – have in common is a good indicator of what’s true about the human experience. For instance, no religion I’m aware of promises that the rain will fall only on the righteous, because clearly that’s not true. All religions that promise the return of its particular prophet or deity disclaim that the precise date or time is unknown. The exceptions to this all prove the rule, such as the Seventh Day Adventists who were so sure Jesus was returning in 1844 they didn’t bother to bring in the crops that year.

That’s why it’s important to consider how accurately a particular religion depicts the immutable laws by which all actors in the concert of natural order must obey, such as gravity and probability. Consequently, I’m particularly tolerant of religions that articulate and are consistent with the natural rights (see Locke, John; Hobbes, Thomas) that shape my conception of the natural order, which is freedom. I suppose that explains a lot about why some people think man made God in man’s image.

For instance, if God was made in my image he’d love freedom, hate coercion, but be a bit of a fatalist, being a big believer in providence and that the best we can do is to do the best we can. Of course, you can say the same of gazelles on African savannah.

Nature, then, provides the natural order with which the human experience is ultimately consistent. The obvious implication is that humans evolved directly from nature, which is scientifically true. Yet common to almost every human is belief in God or religion, befuddling Atheists. Perhaps gazelles marvel at the stars, thanking providence for sparing them from the day’s lions. That doesn’t account beyond nature’s order, however, for the gazelles the lions ate.

The fact is that natural life is short and brutal. Since humans are uniquely capable of attempting to recreate natural order in their conception of what natural order should be it should be no surprise that humans endeavor precisely that. Perhaps left to our own devices in a world devoid of government or religion – like in The Book of Eli, where the natural order of humankind was truly short and brutal – religion would be a most logical conclusion, as a preferable alternative to nature’s brute order. The logical end of that, though, is the same concert of religions, cultures, and individuals, as exist now, all fighting, one way or another, to assert their conception of natural order upon others. The common human experience, then, may be cyclical and never learns from its mistakes, something to which most religions stipulate. As does Cosmology (universe expanding, contracting, and over again).

If in a world devoid of government or religion life is short and brutal, rather than libertopia, one wonders how voluntaryism might take hold if not by force. Consider Ghengis Khan, the original neocon, who sincerely believed the only way to live at peace was to conquer potentially (and often actually) quarrelsome neighbors, and enforce a culture of peace with the hardest of iron fists – which he did. His only mandate to all within his ever-expanding territory was be peaceful. But it took many millions of lives to achieve that peace, and it lasted only as long as he could enforce it. George Bush might say that Khan violated his peaceful principles to implement his peaceful principles. Successfully, too, for a time.

Then again, hundreds of millions of lives have been wasted throughout history for reasons much less noble than creating a culture of relative peace. As a result I’m often convinced that neoconism is the lesser of the evils. The obvious counterargument to neoconism is that Alfred Nobel thought dynamite – his invention and at that time the world’s greatest weapon – would end large-scale warfare. And look how well that turned out. But as a friend pointed out the other day, Nobel may have actually been correct in principle, and his flaw one of scale. Perhaps hydrogen bombs are weapons great enough in global scale to end large-scale warfare, making irritating regional conflicts the norm rather than greater global upheaval.

Of course, regional conflicts involving nuclear weapons may quickly progress to global upheaval, which makes the neoconservative point about the importance of stopping unstable regimes such as Iran from obtaining nuclear weapons. By contrast, neoconservatives tolerate Israel’s nuclear arsenal because they don’t think it’d be used for anything but self-preservation. Self-preservation is a natural right, and one superior to the right of coercion asserted by every invader – even those who claim the right of invasion to create a peaceful order. Human’s collective appreciation for the right of self-preservation may be precisely why implementing an aggressive neoconservative strategy effectively frightens the majority of us into inaction on the matter, leading then to the proliferation of nuclear weapons in unstable regions (e.g. Pakistan), the presence of which makes more likely the prospect of global warfare, which is ultimately much worse than irritating regional conflicts.

Worse, not only are we collectively unwilling to preclude the possibility of global warfare by forcibly stopping unstable regimes from obtaining nuclear weapons, we are unwilling even to destabilize those regimes by tearing down the restrictions on nuclear energy in the United States – ironically, the form of energy powering the Navy, our greatest projection of power – and instantly bankrupt unstable and unwanted regimes the world over. The mass proliferation of nuclear energy in America would reduce regional conflicts into simply national conflicts. Or at least nations in a given region couldn’t project their regional conflicts onto us, which would be outstanding.

So do we agree, then, on supporting nuclear energy? And did I mention Gov. Gary Johnson supports bustin’ down the door to nuclear energy in America? I’m on board.

Via loyal duelingbarstools reader Cheyne I find a TrendHunter article titled 23 Taxi Innovations. Some of the taxi-trends are pretty awesome, such as Karaoke Cabs (you sing inside – and yes that’s a killer cab name), while others are admirably entrepreneurial, such as flat-rate taxi plans ($65.00 per month, unlimited usage), Pink Taxis (attractive women driving pink cabs, which you’d think would be targeting the male 18-39 demographic, but is actually a female-only taxi service), and Horny Taxis (advertising the Professional Bull Riders (PBR) Tour by equipping cabs with longhorn bull horns). Other trends, however, are suspect, such as the rich and famous (Kate Moss) purchasing taxis as status symbols. Is nothing sacred anymore? Can’t the hardest of hard working entrepreneurs have anything to themselves? And I thought urbanites buying used cowboy jeans was lame. Well, it still is. That will never change. Speaking of lame trends, taxi-cab colored garbage bins is another lame taxi-trend. And it’s insulting.

Another suspect trend is driver-less, electronically controlled cabs. They don’t sound like a lot of fun. It would kill your buzz to hop in a cab, eager to drunkenly interrogate the cabbie, only to find there’s no driver for you. And depending on how much you’ve been drinking, a driver-less cab might really freak you out too. You get in, close the door, cab takes off, then you realize there’s no cab driver. You scream, but the doors are perma-locked. You beat at the windows, scream again, and frantically dial 911. Finally you get an answer, but it’s your ex-girlfriend. Because you dialed the wrong number. (Ha, you thought she got a new job.) Then she tells you she doesn’t care if you die. [Ed. tip: proceed to nearest bar.]

Then there’s a “Taxi Hailer Device,” presumably targeted at individuals who can’t whistle. Hey, I know people in Hawai’i who can’t swim, so go figure. The most dubious taxi trend of all, however, might be “Futuristic Taxis,” which based upon the picture, appear merely to offer more headroom. Apparently people are taller in the future. Someone tell FuturePundit. The article makes futuristic cabs sound pretty sexy, though, stating:

These cabs will feature new technologies that will totally change the design and functionality of the current taxis. Some of the features of the said prototypes are Hybrid Technology support that can cause virtually 0% emission, capability to go 200-mph with 1000-hp that is powered by hydrogen, and can accommodate motorized scooters, wheelchairs, baby strollers and walkers.

Great. When you’re sitting in traffic you can rest assured that if there wasn’t any traffic, and the speed limit wasn’t 55, your 1000 horsepower cab could go almost as fast as a NASCAR stock car, but be as flammable as a rocket. Better hope you don’t get t-boned at the next light. At least the future spares us the inconvenience of collapsing your stroller, walker, or wheelchair. But people still need strollers and walkers in the future, which means that article from the future I linked to a while ago was correct that a major unintended but predictable consequence of Obamacare was medical innovation drying up like the Rio Grande.

Thankfully “Cab Name Speculation” isn’t among the 23 taxi innovations and trends. So I still have the lock on that niche market. What? You’d like someone funnier to take the DuelingBarstools Cab [epic cab name alert] wheel? No. But you can take it around the block, if you claim a scalp in the DuelingBarstools’ Bounty-Cab-Hunt.

Today’s bottom feeder is New York Councilmember Letitia James [D-Fort Greene], via Overlawyered, who wants big $$ for bumping into someone’s trailer hitch.

“[James] wants money for “serious, severe and permanent” injuries from David Day, who is described as an itinerant laborer. “Please don’t go forward with it,” Day is reported to have written to James. “You are famous and powerful while I’m a nobody without means who’s done you no harm.”

The original article has some rich details.

The court documents also allege that the injuries caused James to be unable to attend to her usual occupation — though the alleged pain and suffering occurred on the eve of the councilwoman’s re-election campaign, one that she waged with her typical vigor against two primary rivals.

By the way, this (@ 0:34) is the most “vigorous” political campaigning I’ve seen yet.

She bounced to an easy victory. Additionally, several of James’s Council colleagues told this newspaper that they did not recall James limping or using crutches during the summer.

But court papers paint a very different scenario of the events of July 11 on Fulton Street between S. Portland Avenue and S. Oxford Street.

The lawsuit claims that James “came into contact with the exposed, unprotected hitch,” contact that led to “great physical and mental pain” — though the actual body part that was damaged is not cited.

Also exposed and unprotected, vehicle bumpers, side-view mirrors, bike-racks.

James claims that Day’s hitch is illegal and that her injuries resulted “solely [from] the careless and negligent manner in which [he] owned and maintained his motor vehicle.”

But Day says that the hitch is legal. He said he was loading recyclables into his car from the curbside when James parked closely behind him. She bumped into the hitch when walking between the cars to the sidewalk, he said.

He was recycling? Must have forgotten to separate the plastics.

She had a scratch on her shin, Day recalled, and he didn’t think much of it until receiving notification that he was being sued. Since then, he’s waged a one-man crusade to ward off the councilwoman’s suit.

“Please don’t go forward with it,” he wrote to James in February. “You are famous and powerful while I’m a nobody without means who’s done you no harm. Pursuing this course to court can bring only ruin all around.”

He also pointed out that he makes roughly one-tenth of James’s salary, meaning that the lawmaker would likely not get much in a settlement.

As such, James shouldn’t bank on a cash bonanza similar to the one that Borough President Markowitz received in 2003, two years after the notorious slip and fall in an ice-slicked Albany parking lot that resulted in an ankle broken in three places. Markowitz was on crutches for weeks.

On Wednesday, James responded to news coverage of her lawsuit, maintaining that she is fighting the case against the Everyman laborer on behalf of … everyman.

“It’s a public safety issue,” said James. “My car was parked and his car was parked. His hitch was exposed. … This lawsuit could be ended today if he removed it.”

The councilwoman claims that she discussed this with Day, but he refused to remove the hitch. Day claims that he got the hitch from a U-Haul dealership, and that it is legal.

Legal or not, James retorted that the hitch was “rusty” and caused a seven-inch scar on her leg.

“The doctor said it was a deep laceration and he wanted to give me stitches, but I said no,” said the courageous councilwoman.

I sure hope the author of this piece used the word courageous sarcastically.

The larger irony of James’s suit, of course, is that the councilwoman, not Day, may be the person who broke traffic regulations.

Walking between two parked cars could be jaywalking.

By the way, Queen Letitia makes $122K per year.

A while back I linked to a music (rap) video comparing Keynes and Hayek’s respective economic theories.  If you haven’t seen the video you should, it’s absolutely brilliant.  Here’s some backstory on the making of the video, via the Von Mises Economics Blog. Excerpts below.

John Papola, maker of the Hayek-Keynes rap, presented his video and then gave a talk about how it was made.

All the technical details were fascinating. We learned about the creative process and how the music came to be written. We learned about the paths not taken and why they chose what they did. We heard about how John personally drove to Barnes and Nobel to pick up the copy of the General Theory that makes an appearance in the first scene. We heard about the marvelous 16-hour stretch of filming.

There were moments when John brought down the house. For example, he jokingly spoke about the affinity between libertarianism and rap. There is the believe in gun rights. And drug freedom. People laughed uproariously about that. But then he went one better: he said that after all the rap community is on the gold standard.

Emphasis added.

Live fish falling from the sky in Australia.

A town in the northern Australian desert has been pelted in a downpour – of fish.

Marine life tumbled out of the sky on two occasions last week, raining down on the Northern Territory town of Lajamanu, about 550km southwest of Katherine. The town is hundreds of kilometres from lakes and the coast.

The Northern Territory News reported yesterday that resident Christine Balmer did a double-take as the fish – believed to be small spangled perch – fell from the sky.

“Locals were picking them up off the footy oval and on the ground everywhere. These fish were alive when they hit the ground.

“I haven’t lost my marbles. Thank God it didn’t rain crocodiles.”

Indeed, Ms. Balmer, indeed.

Weather bureau senior forecaster Ashley Patterson told the Northern Territory News that a tornado in the nearby Douglas Daly region may have been responsible, although no twisters had been reported.

“It’s a very unusual event,” he said. “With an updraft, [fish and water picked up] could get up high – up to 60,000 or 70,000 feet. Or possibly from a tornado over a large water body – but we haven’t had any reports.”

Understatement of the year alert: “It’s a very unusual event,” said in response to live fish falling from the sky in the outback of Australia.  By the way, wouldn’t the fish die at 60,000 feet altitude, either due to cold or lack of oxygen? No matter how they got there? Then again, the fish are dead in the picture.

From Joe Rogan, naturally, commenting on how Pink changed his life.

Every now and then someone steps up in front of the world and really fucking smashes it, and it makes sitting through every other uninspired performance by every wannabe, bullshit artist, and mediocre hack more than worth your time. Every now and then human beings are exposed to a new benchmark.

I search for that shit. It’s a precious inspirational fuel for me. I love it when I see it, and in all my years on this planet searching for it, very few people have ever grabbed it, held it down, fucked it, lit it on fire, and blew up the fucking solar system with it like Pink did at this years Grammy awards.

Her performance was like Jimi Hendrix doing the star spangled banner while Michael Jackson moon walked and Susan Boyle sang back up.

Emphasis Added.

Yeehaw. Let’s get right into it.

First up is the Nile Cab. Clearly this cab driver is from Egypt. It’s a cool name, I like it. Then again, we’re talking about Egypt. The very name, Egypt, is cryptic, so you don’t have to dig for good cab name. (Yes that’s two intended puns, sorry). He /she (oh screw it, I’ll use ‘he’ from now on – when is the last time you saw a female, Egyptian cab driver in San Diego?) had a (pun alert) treasure trove of great cab names at his disposal. Egypt has so much history, so many iconic symbols (not to mention an entire written language of symbols). Nephrititi, Cleopatra, Pharoah, Mummy (THAT would be a great cab name), the library of Alexandria, the lighthouse of Alexandria, Pyramids, Sphinx, Obelisks – and on and on. But the Nile – the Nile is the river that runs through it. The Nile has sustained life and culture in Egypt for, well, ever. The Nile is Egypt’s alpha and omega. The Nile was there before the pyramids, it will be there after the pyramids. The Nile is a desert Oasis, perhaps the world’s largest. The Nile subsumes all that is Egypt into a single syllable. That’s why it is a tremendous cab name. Kudos, brownie points, and Jersey shore fist pumps to you, Mr. Nile Cab driver.

Next is the Red Top Cab.  On one hand, Red Top Cab is as boring a name as Yellow Cab, as it merely describes the car’s paint job. But there are relatively few Red Top Cabs, and the red / soft yellow is a refreshing break from the 80s-yellow of most San Diego Cabs, so Red Top Cab has that going for it. Plus, very few cab names are three words (In Touch Cab and Call Me Cab are the only two I can think of off the top of my head). Moreover, it’s kinda-sorta savvy to get your cab’s top in your name and marketing strategy, since the cab’s top is the first thing most people see when they sight a cab. But why red? Red’s hard to see at night, and there are a lot of red sedans. And what if you forget to turn on your cab light? People won’t even see you, Red Top Cab. But Carrot Top Cab – now that would be funny. And possibly a trademark / copyright infringement. But it’d recognizable, unforgettable even, and held in high regard here at Dueling Barstools. Red Cloud Cab would have been good too, although Native Americans wouldn’t like you appropriating the name of one of history’s greater statesman and warriors. Red Top Cab gets . . . more kudos than Yellow cab, but not nearly as many kudos as Sea Cab, In Touch Cab, or Mogogo cab.

Third is the Cash Cab. When I first spotted Cash Cab I thought, wished, – no – I ran unabashedly towards it in hopes it was part of the Cash Cab tv show that M.Wife and I Itotally kick ass at when we watch it at home. Seriously, put some combination of Pila, Neil, Cadwell, J.Love, Paulie, and Divinryan in a cab and we’d run the table. Yes that is a challenge to you, Cash Cab tv show. Anway, does the Cash Cab only take Cash? Is that cool with whatever city agency regulates cabs? Is the Cash Cab’s driver a huge Johnny Cash fan? (Click that link, it’s the world’s biggest Johnny Cash fan.) Then again, who isn’t a Johnny Cash fan. Maybe it’s a misspelling due to, in the words of loyal Dueling Barstools reader SarahB, the “cultural origin, the fleeting emotional impulse, and/or nascent grasp of the English language that prompt[s] these name selections[?]” Is Cash Cab supposed to be Cache Cab? But Cache has so many meanings, unless you include the accent over the ‘e.’ And if you have the accent over the ‘e,’ then you’ve got a French cab. And who wants to ride in a French cab, in America? Yes that was a rhetorical question. This is only Cash Cab, and there’s no game show included. That means he wants to take your hard earned cash. I know, all Cabs do. But the Cash Cab is so brazen about telling you he wants your cash. In that sense it’s almost insulting.

Finally, The H-Z Cab. I really have no idea where to begin speculating. But I digress. Maybe the driver doesn’t like letters A-G? At least it’s not the AGW cab – that’d be too much to bear in so many ways. Actually, the fact that the AGW Cab (assuming it’s not a Prius) would most likely stand for “Actual Weight of Gold,” rather than Anthropogenic Global Warming, is really funny. Especially if the cab is bright yellow. And the driver bites it upon request.

Holy. Shit. It just came to me. This is the Hotel Zulu Cab. Think military language, interested readers. But what the fuck does Hotel Zulu mean? A quick google search doesn’t reveal much, but unsurprisingly there are several hotels in Africa named “Zulu” or “Zulu Hotel.” *Note to Hawai’i peeps: Google says there exists a Shakaland Hotel. Really.*

Until further articulable facts allow for the reasonable inference that H-Z Cab (“Hotel Zulu”) is secret code for some nefarious plot that only Dueling Barstools and its legion handful (but growing) of loyal readers can solve, I cannot jump to such a bold conclusion. (Please, vigilant citizen-heroes, keep on the lookout for other “[letter]-[letter"] cabs, take a picture, and upload it to the DuelingBarstools fan-page on Facebook.) For now, Occam’s Razor says this cab driver has a legal or equitable interest in a Hotel named Zulu in Africa.  But if you hear about a plot to destroy the shining light on the hill that is most of San Diego do not, i repeat, do not be surprised if it implicates H-Z Cab. You heard it here first.

Serially.

(CNN) — Thirty to 40 ships — including several passenger ships — were stuck Thursday in ice off the coast of Sweden, said a spokesman for the Maritime Search and Rescue Center in Gothenburg, Sweden.

The area of the Baltic Sea worst hit by the ice were the waters bounded by mainland Sweden, the Stockholm archipelago and the Finnish island of Aland, said Tommy Gardebring, press officer with the Swedish Maritime Administration.

Several passenger vessels from Viking Line were stuck, he said. One of them had been freed.

“It has been a lot colder than normal in the southern parts of the Baltic sea, but in the north all is normal with normal levels of ice,” Gardebring said. “However, in the worst-affected areas, the ice breakers that normally operate haven’t been able to cope with the ice, which is why we are sending additional ice breakers.”

The extra help was expected to arrive around midnight (6 p.m. ET), he said.

That’s Elliot Spitzer and John Edwards’ story, and they’re sticking to it!

“There was never any danger for the safety of the vessels, but we have increased our preparedness, just in case, since the ice puts a lot of pressure on the sides of the ships,” Gardebring said.

But what about polar bear attack? (Fyi, it would have been awesome if above scenario occurred in Canada, so I could type “aboot”.)  I interviewed some notable celebrities on the matter.

Keith Olbermann declared: “You wear a crown of negligence, sir, having precluded the threat of polar bear attack in the tepid firing of neutrons you erroneously refer to as passenger risk analysis.”  Gardebring “acted stupidly,” averred President Obama. But Roger clemens came to Gardebring’s aid, saying that Gardebring simply “misunderstood the question.”

[Gardebring] predicted that most of the ships would be freed by Friday.

Predictions are only as good as the assumptions they rest on, and Gardebring forgot about the polar bears. Unbelievable.

UPDATED 3/4/2010 @ 5:10

No mention of polar bears in this article either, but a couple of noteworthy phrases.

STOCKHOLM – Dozens of ships including a passenger ferry with nearly 1,000 people on board were trapped Friday in heavy pack ice in the Baltic Sea off Sweden’s east coast, officials said. * * *

“There’s no danger for the passengers as long as there’s food and drink on board,” Lindvall told The Associated Press.

Sure, it’s all fun and games until a polar bear eats you.

Mats Nystrom, a passenger on the Amorella, told Swedish broadcaster SVT that there was no panic on the ship.

“The atmosphere is calm so there is no danger in that sense,” said Nystrom, who is a sports presenter for the network. He said the most dramatic event had been when the two ships touched.

No matter what came before “when the two ships touched,” it’s funny.

Apollo 8 was the first spacecraft to orbit the moon, which of course involves transiting the ‘dark side of the moon.’ Upon return to the sunlit portion of the moon, and reestablishing communication with planet earth, Astronaut Lovelle uttered the following epic statement – see video @ 0:11.

By the way, it was Christmas Day, 1968. Transcript below:

089:32:50 Mattingly: Apollo 8, Houston. [No answer.]

089:33:38 Mattingly: Apollo 8, Houston.

089:34:16 Lovell: Houston, Apollo 8, over.

089:34:19 Mattingly: Hello, Apollo 8. Loud and clear.

089:34:25 Lovell: Roger. Please be informed there is a Santa Claus.

089:34:31 Mattingly: That’s affirmative. You’re the best ones to know.

I admire bloggers who aren’t afraid to engage in  bit of rank speculation, for instance the following:

There are rumors out new President elect Barack Obama may be growing a mustache, which is spectacular news. I am clinging to my audacity of hope that he will rule with what has historically been a successful Vice President.

Hold on. This is America. No one rules, presidents included. We elect people to govern. There’s a galaxy of difference between the ruling and governing. Next, I have no idea what this blogger means by saying “[Obama] will rule with what has historically been a successful vice president.”

If he misspoke, people wouldn’t be listening, they’d be thinking, ”What a fine mustache.” It would be the most politically savvy move, also following in the footsteps of the greatest civil rights activist and African American mustache advocate in the history of the world.

Only time will tell.

Via Google News. Regardless of what you think about the merits of nationalized health care versus the United States’ half-nationalized system versus a free market in health care, you should appreciate this Canadian politician’s remarkable display of chutzpah.

An unapologetic Danny Williams [Premier of Newfoundland and Labrador] says he was aware his trip to the United States for heart surgery earlier this month would spark outcry, but he concluded his personal health trumped any public fallout over the controversial decision.

In an interview with The Canadian Press, Williams said he went to Miami to have a “minimally invasive” surgery for an ailment first detected nearly a year ago, based on the advice of his doctors.

“This was my heart, my choice and my health,” Williams said late Monday from his condominium in Sarasota, Fla.

“I did not sign away my right to get the best possible health care for myself when I entered politics.”

No reasonable person could disagree, Mr. Williams, unless you have long advocated for a national health system in Canada and the prohibition of a competitive free market alternative for those willing and able to pay for it. Then there is considerable room for proponents of an alternative system to criticize you.

The 60-year-old Williams said doctors detected a heart murmur last spring and told him that one of his heart valves wasn’t closing properly, creating a leakage.

He said he was told at the time that the problem was “moderate” and that he should come back for a checkup in six months.

Eight months later, in December, his doctors told him the problem had become severe and urged him to get his valve repaired immediately or risk heart failure, he said.

His doctors in Canada presented him with two options – a full or partial sternotomy, both of which would’ve required breaking bones, he said.

While Williams might agree that waiting in line to unnecessarily break chest bones may be good enough for the average Canadian, he’d prefer a private doctor in Miami.

He said he spoke with and provided his medical information to a leading cardiac surgeon in New Jersey who is also from Newfoundland and Labrador. He advised him to seek treatment at the Mount Sinai Medical Center in Miami.

That’s where he was treated by Dr. Joseph Lamelas, a cardiac surgeon who has performed more than 8,000 open-heart surgeries.

Williams said Lamelas made an incision under his arm that didn’t require any bone breakage.

“I wanted to get in, get out fast, get back to work in a short period of time,” the premier said.

Williams sought personal efficiency, in other words. Who wouldn’t?

Williams said he didn’t announce his departure south of the border because he didn’t want to create “a media gong show,” but added that criticism would’ve followed him had he chose to have surgery in Canada.

“I would’ve been criticized if I had stayed in Canada and had been perceived as jumping a line or a wait list. … I accept that. That’s public life,” he said.

Well, it’s tough to escape charges of blatant hypocrisy and elitism when you’re determined to have your cake and eat it too. It’s also surprising that Williams is so interested in escaping political controversy. After all, he is a proponent of the fur seal (pup) hunts, which ensures he will never get with Eva Mendes.

“(But) this is not a unique phenomenon to me. This is something that happens with lots of families throughout this country, so I make no apologies for that.”

One hypocritic act is an outrage. Lots of hypocritic acts are a statistic. Duly noted sir.

Williams said his decision to go to the U.S. did not reflect any lack of faith in his own province’s health care system.

“I have the utmost confidence in our own health care system in Newfoundland and Labrador, but we are just over half a million people,” he said.

“We do whatever we can to provide the best possible health care that we can in Newfoundland and Labrador. The Canadian health care system has a great reputation, but this is a very specialized piece of surgery that had to be done and I went to somebody who’s doing this three or four times a day, five, six days a week.”

I thought Williams just wanted the less intrusive, non bone breaking surgery?  Newfoundland’s state health care provided proven options to fix his heart valve, but he declined them.  Fair enough, but rank-n-file Canadians must not like it very much, especially if the reason the surgery isn’t offered is because of Canada’s health care system, rather than simply due to Newfoundland’s small population.

He quipped that he had “a heart of a 40-year-old, so that gives me 20 years new life,” and said he intends to run in the next provincial election in 2011.

“I’m probably going to be around for a long time, hopefully, if God willing,” he said.

“God forbid for the Canadian public I won’t be around longer than ever.” [Emphasis added]

Wow. I don’t know if a politician could say something more arrogant than that. Well, Marie Antoinette did (arguably), but look how well that turned out for her.

Williams also said he paid for the treatment, but added he would seek any refunds he would be eligible for in Canada.

But of course. He also steals takes home extra ketchup packets from McDonalds.

“If I’m entitled to any reimbursement from any Canadian health care system or any provincial health care system, then obviously I will apply for that as anybody else would,” he said.

“But I wrote out the cheque myself and paid for it myself and to this point, I haven’t even looked into the possibility of any reimbursement. I don’t know what I’m entitled to, if anything, and if it’s nothing, then so be it.”

He is expected back at work in early March.

Now. Some TV that’s good for you.

I received a most interesting text message while at the bar this weekend.  A certain J. Love had an epiphany regarding the proper tying of a bow tie.

Now understand the bow tie theory as balance between one tensor and two angular vectors. Inform the world.

I’ve never tied a bow tie, but I look forward to doing so if for no other reason than to better understand bow tie theory.

BONUS: Agape Cab. Fairly profound as cab names go. Here’s Wiki’s summary.

Agape (Christian theology) the love of God or Christ for mankind. (pronounced /ˈæɡə.piː/ AG-ə-pee;^[1] and sometimes /əˈɡɑː.peɪ/ ə-GAH-pay after the Classical Greek agápē; ModernGreek: αγάπη [aˈɣapi]), also called parental love, is one of several Greek words translated into English as love. Many have thought that this word represents divine, unconditional, self-sacrificing, active, volitional, and thoughtful love. Although the word does not have specific religious connotation, the word has been used by a variety of contemporary and ancient sources, including Biblical authors and Christian authors. Thomas Jay Oord has defined agape as “an intentional response to promote well-being when responding to that which has generated ill-being.”^{[citation needed]} In his book, The Pilgrimage, author Paulo Coelho defines it as “the love that consumes,” i.e., the highest and purest form of love, one that surpasses all other types of affection. Greek philosophers at the time of Plato and other ancient authors have used forms of the word to denote love of a spouse or family, or affection for a particular activity, in contrast to philia—an affection that could denote either brotherhood or generally non-sexual affection, and eros, an affection of a sexual nature.

[UPDATE 2/26/2010 @3:30 pm]

Von Mises has a snazzy, signature bow tie available for the bargain price os $25.00.  Description below:

“The ends come to a point in a triangle shape. When you tie it, an interesting complexity appears. On one side, the point edge is in front. On the other side, it is in back. The overall effect is quite beautiful and elegant, nearly polyphonic and 3-D in its appearance. I’ve come to feel more comfortable with this style but I was at a loss to find new versions of this style, even though it doesn’t look dated at all. It looks, in fact, very stylish!”

Only time will tell if J. Love’s bow-tie theory holds up to a polyphonic, point-edged bow tie.

I bring to you, Mogogo Cab. For many moons I wondered about the meaning of Mogogo. You have to admit, it’s a pretty mysterious, weird name. If I had to guess I’d say someone got high, mispronounced “Mo-Fo” as Mogogo, and an opportunistic cab driver to be named his vehicle Mogogo so his friend never forgets that one night he was so wasted he couldn’t even swear.

UnFortunately the Internet exists to sap the mystery out of anything remotely interesting by supplying actual information. Alas, sometimes I prefer conjecture. Anyway, a minute on Google reveals that Mogogo is Eritrean in origin. A Mogogo is a type of stove (picture here) used to bake Injera, a traditional Eritrean bread.

Apparently, baking Injera consumes 40% of Eritrea’s energy resources.  As such, building a more efficient Mogogo “can potentially have dramatic positive impacts on the Eritrean standard of living.”  Improving the efficiency of baking Injera is so important that the Eritrean Energy Research and Training Division of the Department of Energy of the Ministry of Energy, Mines and Water Resources (really) apparently invented and rigorously tested a “finite element heat balance model for an electric” Mogogo.  Awesome. Abstract of their lengthy report is below:

The greatest energy savings is attained by using enjera batter with a low water content (a savings method in widespread use in the Eritrean Highlands) and a cooking style that produces moist, thick to medium thick enjera. Major improvements in efficiency are also predicted if cooking plate thermal conductivity is improved. Modeling predicts that most of the efficiency improvements can be obtained by simply using modified clays of higher conductivity, rather than changing to metal cooking plates. The modeling in combination with the experimental results aid in formulating a series of actions to aid in the promotion and development of improved enjera cooking efficiency.

Mogogo is also the name of at least two restaurants, one in Copenhagen and another in Holland.

I’m looking forward to riding in the Mogogo cab. I want to ask the cab driver whether he uses a traditional wood or dung fired Mogogo or broke down (stepped up?) and purchased an electric Mogogo. I’d like to inquire whether the Mogogo is a well known Eritrean symbol. Most of all, I’d like him to laugh at me, ask what the hell I’m talking about, and tell me that his buddy couldn’t say “Mo-Fo” one night at a bar, it came out as “Mogogo,” and that’s why he named his cab Mogogo. Because it’s funny, not serious.

Rogan went on a uniquely funny commentating tear Saturday night about spilled ice in the Octagon. It was awesome. Link to video here. Transcript, via MMAMania, is below.

“Oh we got a problem, somebody spilled ice all over the Octagon. That’s a big problem, that’s a lot of ice. This is gonna take some time. This is a disaster. Look at it, they knocked the bucket over. This is “The Three Stooges.” What are you freaks doing? Now everybody’s booing. Now there’s even more pressure. Now they’re sweeping it out. That’s good. Put it on the side and watch [Octagon girl] Arianny (Celeste) fall on her head. There’s still ice! There’s still too much! GET BACK IN THERE! YOU’RE NOT DONE! THERE’S ICE ALL OVER THE FLOOR! What are these guys doing? There’s 100 pieces of ice still on the floor and these guys just scrambled out because of the pressure. What a disaster. There’s ice everywhere! Those cornermen, somebody needs to kick their ass.”

Read Joe Rogan’s blog. Here’s an excerpt from a particularly interesting post, We’re Getting Closer to Forever:

The idea I’ve been bouncing around in my head over the last couple years is that life, the planet we live on, the universe it resides in and everything that takes place in the entire dimension is really just a gigantic, impossibly complicated mathematical program moving towards a predetermined outcome. That everything; from subatomic particles, to hyenas, to the blow jobs, to solar flares – everything that exists in the entire universe is really just a part of an infinitely complex program totally beyond our comprehension that is moving towards a very certain goal.

* * *

If you were an alien, objectively looking at life on this planet you might very well look at technology as a type of life form.  In nature we see many patterns of parasites infecting a host and causing the host to destroy itself so that the parasite may be born. There’s a aquatic worm that grows inside of a grasshopper, and once it’s developed sufficiently to live outside the host it programs the grasshopper’s brain to head towards water, jump in and drown while the worm burrows out of it’s body and hatches into the water. The superior organism has lead the inferior one willingly to it’s own destruction so that it can reach the next stage in it’s development.
I think that very well may be what’s happening to us.

Rogan’s a pretty cool dude. I met him outside my local pub – Stout -  after he did a comedy routine at the House of Blues. Rogan graciously allowed me the courtesy of rambling on about how cool it’d be if he [Rogan] and Bas Rutten were the UFC’s announcers. He explained that it’d be senseless to have two color commentators, no matter how awesome Bas Rutten is, and, after all, someone [Mike Goldberg] has to plug the sponsors. Nevertheless, I’d still be cool with Bas Rutten and Rogan. Maybe the UFC can have a separate pay per view broadcast with Rogan and Rutten on the mic. You heard it here first.

From Rodney Balko, an interesting read:

So the success of the ordeals relied on the guilty believing that God wouldn’t intervene to save them, the innocent fully believing that God would intervene, and a surrounding community willing to accept a high clearance rate for those who allowed themselves to be tested.

As Leeson explains, when doubt entered the system, the delicate balance was thrown askew. But while they lasted—up until the Church of England withdrew its support for the notion in the 13th century—ordeals were a more efficient, likely even more accurate, way of determining guilt than expensive fact-gathering and inquisitions (which were likely subject to their own forms of manipulation).

It’s doubtful there are many lessons we can glean from ordeals today. We aren’t about to return to a society so reliant on divine intervention. But Leeson’s paper is a fascinating look into a system that, though driven by objectively false beliefs, not only produced surprisingly accurate results, but produced results that only became more accurate the more fervently the community believed.

South Park, Season 14, begins March 17, 2010. Mark your calendars.

Cupid being shot to death by arrows. (Found that example after visiting the Guggenheim Museum in Bilbao, Spain, and seeing an effigy of Cupid shot full of arrows.)

An insulin truck killing a diabetic. – Gordon Bryson.

Have at it in the comments. I appreciate good examples of irony.

Who ya got? Thanks to Tehotu for the video!

Home Boy Cab.

A catchy name to some, not particularly enticing to others. What exactly is a ‘home boy,’ anyway? The formal version of “homie?” Consider:

Homie (or homey) is a contraction of the American slang words “homeboy” or “homebuddies” which became prevalent among some of the youth in Latino and African American communities starting in the late 1960s and continuing up to the present, particularly in the hip hop subculture.

Does this mean the Home Boy cab misspelled his name? Even wiki has it spelled as “homeboy.”  Moreover, Home Boy lacks the useless, theft inducing accessories I would expect of a taxi cab playing upon hip hop / urban slang. Yes, Home Boy Cab must be . . . something else.

An exhaustive .28 second search of the internet for use of the term “Home Boy” in recent literature reveals a 2009 novel, Home Boy, by H. M. Naqvi. According to Lee Siegal, author, Love in a Dead Language, Home Boy is

“[a] marvelous literary achievement shaped by a refreshingly humane, irresistibly cool, and distinctly curried sensibility. From the word go, Home Boy is populated by larger-than-life characters and big ideas. It will make you think, laugh out loud, possibly cry, and at times, dance with joy.  You won’t even notice that H. M. Naqvi has redefined South Asian literature.”

“[a] genre busting, page-turning debut, HOME BOYfuses street slang and literary discourse, pop culture and politics, history and comedy, East and West. Ultimately, though, HOME BOY is a thoughtful story about a boy who becomes a man in these fraught and frightening times.”