Whoa Nellie, it’s the Friday Cab Roundup, just in time for the weekend. If you’re lucky you’ll ride in one of these fine transportation vehicles, or these. And if you do, make sure you inquire as to the inspiration for the cab’s name. Then report your findings to the DuelingBarstools fan page. God’s speed, and good luck.

Gudaya Cab appears to be named after a remote town in West Shewa, Oromiya, Ethiopia, which is due west of Addis Ababa. To be precise, Gudaya’s geographical coordinates are 9° 7′ 0″ North, 37° 10′ 0″ East. Its original name (with diacritics) is Gudaya. As with Camey Cab (apparently named after a remote area in Somalia), Gudaya Cab appears to be the result of an Ethiopian cab driver wanting to give a shout out to his homies back home, in Gudaya. Alternatively, the cab driver could be Indian, possibly majoring in Hindu Studies at Oxford like this dude named Gudaya (thanks, Facebook!). Just so you know, it’s raining in Gudaya right now with a chance of thunderstorms.

There’s a lot of cabs with two letter names, for instance H-Z Cab. I like that this driver included an ampersand; it’s a nice touch. Obviously the question is what V&G represents. Victor & Golf? Unlikely. Volce & Gabana? That’d be funny. Maybe the cab driver uses V & G Personal Products.

Orion Cab, now that’s a good cab name. This dude named his cab after “one of the largest, most conspicuous, and most recognizable constellations in the night sky,” “recognized as a coherent constellation by many ancient civilizations, though with different representations and mythologies.” Moreover, Orion fashioned for himself a reputation as quite the badass. Most pertinently, in Greek-Roman mythology (which supplies his name) Orion was a “gigantic hunter of primordial times,” featured in such classics as the Odessey, Iliad, and Aeniad. As if all of that doesn’t make it the coolest cab name ever, Orion’s right shoulder is the infamous Betelgeuse, which is awesome. (Info and quotes from Wiki: http://tinyurl.com/265op73).

Here we have White Cab, which as you can see is . . . white. Do not confuse White Cab with Black White Cab, that’s a wholly different transportation vehicle (and one that failed its attempt to symbolize post-racial bliss, since a post racial cab would just be “Cab”). As a practical matter, given how dusty San Diego is, White Cab is a heck of a name to live up to. Impossible really. Me thinks that Snow White Cab would have been funnier (albeit potentially a trademark infringement). SWhitePL Cab would’ve been pretty classic too. How about “White Away Cab” – all sorts of implications there; same with “White Now Cab.” White is so boring, why not “Ivory Cab” or “Off-White Cab,” which could explain why the cab is always dusty. So much wasted potential, White cab.

There can be no doubt whatsoever that Winner Cab’s driver has a positive attitude. Hopefully, though, he isn’t as intense about his positivity as UFC fighter Diego Sanchez, of Tony Robbins “Yes” infamy. Seriously though, if you saw ten cabs lined up and one was Winner cab, which would you pick? The implication is that you’re a loser if you don’t pick Winner Cab, or at least make a good faith attempt. Then again I’m not particularly competitive anymore, so I’d rather ride in USA Freedom Cab, Sea Cab, or any of the cabs on this Bounty-Hunt list. But Winner cab is pretty awesome, after all you can’t but help feeling better about yourself after riding in it. Side note: if Winner Cab was in Hawai’i it’d be pronounced “Weenah” Cab (seriously).

The ol’ Addis Cab.  Addis Cab, I’d wager, is short for Addis Ababa, an incredibly diverse, and ancient, city in Ethiopia. From Wiki:

Addis Ababa . . . is the capital city of Ethiopia. It is the largest city in Ethiopia, with a population of 3,384,56 according to the 2008 population census. As a chartered city (ras gez astedader), Addis Ababa has the status of both a city and a state. It is where the African Union and its predecessor the OAU are based. Addis Ababa is therefore often referred to as “the political capital of Africa”, due to its historical, diplomatic and political significance for the continent. The city is populated by people from different regions of Ethiopia – the country has as many as 80 nationalities speaking 80 languages and belonging to a wide variety of religious communities.

Unfortunately, it’s also the sixth dirtiest city in the world. But never mind that.  What Addis Cab appears to be highlighting about Addis Ababa is it’s tremendous diversity. Look at the picture, the cab driver looks like he is  . . . not what ignoramus such as myself would tend to regard as prototypical Ethiopian. And that’s his point! There’s 80 nationalities in Addis Ababa. He doesn’t want smarmy cab speculators (count me in that category) to think everyone from Addis Ababa looks like Manute Bol (who was Sudanese, btw). Addis Cab demands I do some research, and I did. And guess what I found. Ethiopians share 62% of genome with Caucasians (Ashkenazi Jews, Norwegians and Armenians), 24% with other Sub-Saharan Africans (Bantus), 8% with Austro-Melanesians (Papua New Guineans), and 6% with Far East Asians (Chinese). That’s pretty damn diverse (and well reflected in the diversity of Ethiopian women).

Live long and prosper.

Dear Readers, It’s been a long time since the lab cab speculation-info dump. Too long. Without further ado, let’s speculate.

Here’s a two-for-one Cab photo special, and both cab names have a decent alcohol connotation. First, Absolute Cab, which presumably is the third cab in the telephone book (right after Aardvark Cab (great name, too) and ABC Cab). Absolute is a very strong word, evoking the idea that you’re absolutely going to get where you want to. And Absolute Cab might make you chuckle if you’re inebriated (“heh, I was just drinking Absolut, bro”). But Captain Cab is better. In addition to referencing the Captain Morgan Rum spokesperson, Captains are leaders – they’re at the helm – and stand firm against torrential seas. Perhaps the same individual who who owns Sea Cab owns Captain Cab. If so, he’s a sailor. And a good one. Mark my words.

Frequent Vegas visitor M-wife snapped a picture of Desert Cab in, fittingly, Las Vegas. Me? I love Las Vegas, partly because it is fun as fun can be, but mostly because there’s liberty and opportunity, as well as all of their consequences, good and bad, everywhere you look. To illustrate, Vegas’ mayor is sponsored . . . by Bombay Sapphire gin. By contrast, New York is considering prohibiting restaurants from seasoning food with salt, strongly indicating that American society is not worth its salt. With that said, Desert Cab is a fairly snazzy name (and it’s certainly appropriate). In hopes that Vegas has fleets of uniquely named Cabs, I’m commissioning a team of photographers to visit Vegas later this month to canvas the strip and airport (always a veritable gold mine for Cabs) to search for presumptive gems such as Venetian Cab (no ways that’s copyright infringement), Pyramid Cab (has a cousin in San Diego, the Nile cab (note: spotted Blue Nile Cab recently), or Sands Cab (referencing Vegas’ soil structure as well as a Vegas icon). Come on Vegas, don’t let us down. We’re feeling lucky. How about Craps Cab? That’d be a sweet one.

It should come as no surprise that Surf Ride Cab is (apparently) on its way to Mission Bay. According to the San Diego County Government website, Mission Bay is “a perfect spot for everyone from wind surfers to water skiers,” since Mission Bay “offers boat docks and launching facilities, sailboat and motor rentals, bike/walk paths, basketball courts, and playgrounds for children” and is “one of San Diego’s most fun-filled spots to visit.” Me thinks, however, that “Surf or Ride Cab” would be a better name than “Surf Ride Cab” because it’d be a funny take on the the Surf MC’s 1987 classic Surf or Die, which you can listen to at http://tinyurl.com/2ezykts (@2:20 to see a surfer take a hacksaw to a vintage, yellow skateboard).

I possess a particularly deep appreciation for the cab driver who christened his cab USA Freedom Cab. I think I like USA Freedom Cab better than “Libertarian Cab,” which is a cab name “so awesome I think I may have just crapped.” (Ed note: If you spot Libertarian Cab and get a picture, I will buy you a beer and a shot at Stout.) If I had fuck you money I’d buy a fleet of cabs and give them names such as “Cato the Younger Cab,” “Nat Turner Cab,” and “Cicero Cab,” and give discounts to customers who could identify the individual my cab is named for and cogently discuss that individual’s enduring socio-political impact. Maybe I could setup a video camera, record our conversations, and send in the really dumb ones to Jay Leno for his Jaywalking (watch that clip, btw). Hey, Leno could use a ratings boost. What’s certain about USA Freedom Cab is that no two-bit teenage punks would dare ditch the cab fare and beat up its driver. If you tried that, USA Freedom Cab’s steely-eyed driver would threaten to castrate you with his metal bill of rights (that he picked up at the Penn & Teller show in Vegas (hey, that’s where I got mine)), take your wallet, extract the proper cab fare plus tip, and tell you to get the hell out of Dodge, or else. Of course you’d feel compelled to say “You’re a hard man,” and he’d reply “it’s a hard country.” Then he’d drive off into the sunset, and you’d be wondering, among other things, how the hell he didn’t even drop his cigarette.

Via loyal duelingbarstools reader Cheyne I find a TrendHunter article titled 23 Taxi Innovations. Some of the taxi-trends are pretty awesome, such as Karaoke Cabs (you sing inside – and yes that’s a killer cab name), while others are admirably entrepreneurial, such as flat-rate taxi plans ($65.00 per month, unlimited usage), Pink Taxis (attractive women driving pink cabs, which you’d think would be targeting the male 18-39 demographic, but is actually a female-only taxi service), and Horny Taxis (advertising the Professional Bull Riders (PBR) Tour by equipping cabs with longhorn bull horns). Other trends, however, are suspect, such as the rich and famous (Kate Moss) purchasing taxis as status symbols. Is nothing sacred anymore? Can’t the hardest of hard working entrepreneurs have anything to themselves? And I thought urbanites buying used cowboy jeans was lame. Well, it still is. That will never change. Speaking of lame trends, taxi-cab colored garbage bins is another lame taxi-trend. And it’s insulting.

Another suspect trend is driver-less, electronically controlled cabs. They don’t sound like a lot of fun. It would kill your buzz to hop in a cab, eager to drunkenly interrogate the cabbie, only to find there’s no driver for you. And depending on how much you’ve been drinking, a driver-less cab might really freak you out too. You get in, close the door, cab takes off, then you realize there’s no cab driver. You scream, but the doors are perma-locked. You beat at the windows, scream again, and frantically dial 911. Finally you get an answer, but it’s your ex-girlfriend. Because you dialed the wrong number. (Ha, you thought she got a new job.) Then she tells you she doesn’t care if you die. [Ed. tip: proceed to nearest bar.]

Then there’s a “Taxi Hailer Device,” presumably targeted at individuals who can’t whistle. Hey, I know people in Hawai’i who can’t swim, so go figure. The most dubious taxi trend of all, however, might be “Futuristic Taxis,” which based upon the picture, appear merely to offer more headroom. Apparently people are taller in the future. Someone tell FuturePundit. The article makes futuristic cabs sound pretty sexy, though, stating:

These cabs will feature new technologies that will totally change the design and functionality of the current taxis. Some of the features of the said prototypes are Hybrid Technology support that can cause virtually 0% emission, capability to go 200-mph with 1000-hp that is powered by hydrogen, and can accommodate motorized scooters, wheelchairs, baby strollers and walkers.

Great. When you’re sitting in traffic you can rest assured that if there wasn’t any traffic, and the speed limit wasn’t 55, your 1000 horsepower cab could go almost as fast as a NASCAR stock car, but be as flammable as a rocket. Better hope you don’t get t-boned at the next light. At least the future spares us the inconvenience of collapsing your stroller, walker, or wheelchair. But people still need strollers and walkers in the future, which means that article from the future I linked to a while ago was correct that a major unintended but predictable consequence of Obamacare was medical innovation drying up like the Rio Grande.

Thankfully “Cab Name Speculation” isn’t among the 23 taxi innovations and trends. So I still have the lock on that niche market. What? You’d like someone funnier to take the DuelingBarstools Cab [epic cab name alert] wheel? No. But you can take it around the block, if you claim a scalp in the DuelingBarstools’ Bounty-Cab-Hunt.

Whoa Nellie, it’s gonna be a barnburner. Today we set our speculatory gaze east. Not to east county San Diego, but east east, to the land of the rising sun, where loyal DuelingBarstools reader J.Love recently ventured specifically to photograph Japanese taxi cabs for this week’s cab roundup.

First up, Blue Cab.  I’m pretty sure this is the Japanese equivalent of “Yellow Cab,” which is to say the most boring, blase cab around.

Next, Fukuoka Kotsu Taxi. J-Love took this picture in Fukuoka. Kotsu apparently translates into knack or skill. Knack Cab, Skill[ed] cab, both good names. It lets you know know that Fukuoka Kotsu Taxi is particularly skilled at transportation services. Love the red racing stripe, too.

This is a dooozy, with at least three, maybe four, “o’s”. Gaiko Taxi My online translator failed to deduce what Gaiko is, but who cares. Look at how awesome Gaiko Taxi is. Bright colors, stripes, a rabbit decal – this cab screams “pick me.” According to J.Love, “Gaiko taxi is part of the Nagasaki garage of Lucky Group taxis.” That’s insider information, people. I wish, so much, that San Diego would permit its cabs to distinguish themselves from one another as creatively as Gaiko Taxi.

Last, but certainly not least, King Taxi. Look at the unique cab-light on top, the forward mounted side view mirrors, the subdued yet classy white paint job, all of which serve to highlight the fact that King is a tremendous taxi name. Who doesn’t want to ride in King Taxi? I wonder if this is part of a “garage” of taxis with monarchy related names, such as Queen, Prince, Princess, Jester. By the way, the first country in “modern” times to appoint an official court Jester is . . . wait for it . . . Tonga. Really. Google “Jester Tonga Wiki.”

Tonga was the first royal court to appoint a court jester in modern times, Taufa’ahau Tupou IV, the King of Tonga, appointing JD Bogdanoff to the role in 1999. He was later embroiled in a financial scandal.

Yeeehaw.  This week, as last, the high-resolution cab pictures are courtesy of indefatigable cab-huntress Kat Miner, who photographs color wherever she finds it.

Now, I’ve I’m sure you’ve been wondering about Stas Cab for some time.  Stas is a common name in Ukraine and Poland, typically short for Stanislav. For instance, Stas is the first name of this interesting computer whiz, web developer, and author. A little known Stas fact is that 19th century Belgian analytical chemist Jean Servais Stas (August 21, 1813 – December 13, 1891) did the modern age a number of favors, including (a) establishing the atomic weight of carbon by weighing a sample of the pure material, burning it in pure oxygen, and then weighing the carbon dioxide produced, (b) determining the atomic weights of the elements more accurately than had ever been done before (using an atomic mass of 16 for oxygen as his standard), and (c) disproving the hypothesis of the English physicist William Prout that all atomic weights must be integral multiples of that of hydrogen. Stas’ careful, accurate atomic weight measurements helped lay the foundation for the periodic system of elements of Dmitri Mendeleev and other physicists not named Stas. Stas would be a great name if you worked at the State Department in the Office of the Science & Technology Adviser, which adopted STAS as its acronym, as did the the Prince Edward Island Science and Technology Awareness Site (STAS). STAS is also the name of a French Canadian mining company that produces 10% of the world’s primary aluminum. So, when you ride in Stas Cab, you can be pretty sure the driver’s name is Stas (but ask him if his name is Stanislav).

Ah. The Ark Cab. Now that’s a good one. Perhaps the driver is from Turkey. If so, he is surely from a town near Mt. Ararat (where the book of Genesis says Noah’s Ark lies). In that case, it’d be pretty awesome if Ark Cab was painted with a mural a mountain range and receding flood waters, replace his cab-light with one shaped as an Ark lodged in a mountain, and epoxy a parade of animals (two by two) “walking” out of the ark down the roof, back windshield, and trunk. How awesome would that be? [Ed. note: get on it, photoshop experts.] Maybe Ark Cab’s driver considers his cab a type of Ark, a place of refuge in a deluge. If so, however, it’d be funnier if Ark Cab was in a rainier place than San Diego, such as Seattle. Hopefully the Ark Cab company will continue to grow, because it’d be great to see a fleet of Ark-themed cabs, such as Noah Cab, Ham Cab, Shem Cab, Japeth Cab, Torrent Cab, etc..

This is a doooooozy. Maimegdom Cab? The only thing crazier than a cab named Maimegdom is that Google only has one yes one result for “Maimegdom,” and that result is Kat’s Flickr page of San Diego Cabs. [Ed. note: BING has zero results.] Maimegdom sounds like Armageddon, which only the boldest of travelers would be willing to ride in. Mike Alpha India Mike Echo Golf Delta Oscar Mike? Nah. I’m stumped. Help me out by tracking down Maimegom cab and asking the driver about the origin of its name.

Last but not least is Nordic Cab. Nordic cab’s driver is tricky – he wants you to ask if he’s from Norway so he can inform you that “Nordic” refers to Denmark, Finland, Iceland, Norway and Sweden (all of which use a Nordic Cross flag) and their associated territories which include the Faroe Islands, Greenland, Svalbard and Åland. Then he’ll make you guess. Here’s a hint: he’s not from Finland. If he was, he’d tell you, because Finns are proud people who fought the Soviets for nearly ten years after WWII. [Side note: the best coffee I've ever had was in Helsinki, Finland, at Cafe Tarzeh.] Come to think of it, though, Nordic Cab is about the most boring cab name a Scandinavian who doesn’t want to specify what part of northern Europe he hails from could name a cab.  Think of the Nordic possibilities: Swede Cab (Swede-Dude Cab), Norse Cab, Odin Cab, Thor Cab, Plunder Cab, Ice Cab, Great Dane Cab, Finn Cab, Viking Cab, and the GREATEST OF ALL CAB NAMES: Techno Viking Cab, which would have a DVD screen playing the following video on a loop:

Yeehaw.  Today’s edition is brought you by Kat Miner photography, who is quite the fan of cab name speculation.

Camey Cab.  I’m wholly unfamiliar with the term or name “Camey,” other than that it is of celtic origin. So far as i can tell on the Internet Camey is an elementary school in Texas, a model in the Virgin Islands, an article of clothing, a record label, and the name of the aptly named entertainer Cab Calloway’s first grandson. Now, that’s all fine and well, but just in case you thought Camey Cab had nothing to do with east Africa, this creepy picture came up too when I searched for Camey, as did a map of Balli Camey, which appears to be a town in Mudug region of Somalia. I’m pretty sure the cab driver isn’t Irish, as all the Irish in San Diego work in bars.  Since a large proportion of the cab drivers are from East Africa, I’m hazarding a guess that Camey Cab’s driver hails from Balli Camey, Somalia. No word on whether Cartman, Ike, Butters, et al. visited Balli Camey during the Fatbeard episode.

Deluxe-1 is a decent sales pitch. If nothing else it differentiates this cab from the cabs with interesting names. Looking for a comfy ride? Deluxe-1 cab 600 is the cab for you. Have no fear, step right up, all comers welcome. With a name like Deluxe-1, surely this cab has a plush, clean interior, a miniature dust devil vacuum cleaner in the trunk, and miniature bottles of water for his customers. It’d be quite the letdown to get in Deluxe-1 Cab and find it’s no different than any other cab. Don’t let me down, Deluxe-1 Cab.

Flow Cab. Who doesn’t want to ride in the Flow Cab? How awesome a name is Flow Cab? If you’ve got to get somewhere, you might as well flow, amirite? You know you’re luck is improving when you hail a cab and it’s Flow Cab. You have to smile the whole time while riding in Flow Cab, even while stuck in traffic. Flow Cab is so cool it doesn’t need a flowmaster to let everyone know it’s arrived, like F-words do. Fortunately, Kat’s high resolution camera was able to capture the Flow Cab in motion, which is the only way to get a photo of it because Flow Cab is too cool to be photographed at a standstill. Oh, you didn’t know? When Flow Cab is parked, or stopped at a red light, Flow disappears – that’s why you’ve never seen Flow Cab before. No, it’s not a hologram. Flow Cab is that cool.

Donbas is the name of a town and industrial region in eastern Ukraine. Donbas’ history and modern identity is complex, as it is located within the Donets basin, which spans three provinces in the Ukraine as well as extending into Russia. Via Wiki:

Donbas may sometimes be referred to a larger supranational region also consisting a part of neighbouring Rostov Oblast in Russia. This is explained by the fact that Donets’ coal basin geographically extends to that area (also specializing in coal mining), which sometimes called a “Russian Donbass”. But lesser economical and, most of all, sociopolitical significance of that Russian area (compared with the Ukrainian part) leads to gradual abandonment of such generic usage of the Donbas term.

In 1676, the first town of the Donbass emerged: Solanoye (now Slavyansk) which was built for the high-profit business of extracting newly-discovered rock-salt reserves. In 1721, vast and rich coal fields were found, which started the “industrial boom” which led to the flourish of the region in 18th–first half of 20th century.

Ukrainian scholar and current Deputy Prime Minister Hrygoriy Nemyria said:

The fact that you came from the Donbas was more important than that you were Russian or Ukrainian; so of course the break-up of the Soviet Union also meant a raising of this regional identity and loyalty… In any case, most people here honestly couldn’t say what they are ethnically, because most families, like mine, are mixed.^[1]

Presumably, Donbas Cab’s driver identifies as much with the “supranational” region of Donbas as (or more) strongly than he identifies with either the Ukraine or Russia. While I don’t know much about Ukranian history, aside from some of the nastier things that occurred there during WWII, such as the 1.5 million Jews the Nazis brutally murdered there, so it’s nice that via Donbas Cab I’ve learned a little bit more. It’s sobering to learn, however, that Stalin’s murderous hand was particularly brutal in Donbas, as Freedom and Terror in the Donbas: A Ukrainian-Russian Borderland, 1870s-1990s by Hiroaki Kuromiya relates:

A little-known former Cossack land, the Donbas remained a haven for fugitives, providing freedom to whoever needed it. As a result, Stalin’s Terror was extraordinarily harsh in the Donbas. Drawing on much new information from formerly closed archives in Ukraine and Russia, the book paints a detailed yet panoramic picture of the tumultuous history of the Donbas and analyzes critical events in modern Ukrainian and Russian history from a regional perspective.

^{I wonder, too, if Donbas Cab’s name originates at least in part from Jacques Sandulesco’s novel Donbas: A True Story of an Escape Across Russia, a true story of the author’s escape from Soviet hell. Read excerpts from chapters 1, 2, and 3, here, and  the diary of Sandulesco’s return to Donbas in 1999. Here’s a customer review from Amazon:}

a Topkapi-esque adventure, about a man’s return to his homeland behind the Iron Curtain after being kidnapped by Russian soldiers as a youth and shipped off to a Soviet slave labor camp, escaping after a mine cave-in crushed his legs, escaping to freedom, working his way West from black marketeer in the Middle East and Europe, to prize fighter in the midwest to nightclub owner in New York. It deals with his friend’s plans to embarass the Russian Government by the very high profile heist of priceless religious icons right from under their noses.

The lead character, Jack, was one of those impossible men, like Indiana Jones, Dirk Pitt, Jack Ryan or James Bond. Who knew that he was for real?

Donbas is his story, the true tale of a 16 year old boy’s decent into the hell of the mines in the Donbas region of the USSR. His torture, his survival, his escape and his life since then is the stuff great movies are made of. So why is Hollywood sitting on their hands on this one?

Read the adventure, then rent movies like “Moscow On The Hudson”, “The Owl And The Pussycat” and “Trading Places”. Watch for a big, burly man with a thick Russian accent and say hello to Jacques.

Domas Cab is a deep name, and I want to meet the driver. I’ll be on the lookout for him.

Yeehaw. Let’s get right into it.

First up is the Nile Cab. Clearly this cab driver is from Egypt. It’s a cool name, I like it. Then again, we’re talking about Egypt. The very name, Egypt, is cryptic, so you don’t have to dig for good cab name. (Yes that’s two intended puns, sorry). He /she (oh screw it, I’ll use ‘he’ from now on – when is the last time you saw a female, Egyptian cab driver in San Diego?) had a (pun alert) treasure trove of great cab names at his disposal. Egypt has so much history, so many iconic symbols (not to mention an entire written language of symbols). Nephrititi, Cleopatra, Pharoah, Mummy (THAT would be a great cab name), the library of Alexandria, the lighthouse of Alexandria, Pyramids, Sphinx, Obelisks – and on and on. But the Nile – the Nile is the river that runs through it. The Nile has sustained life and culture in Egypt for, well, ever. The Nile is Egypt’s alpha and omega. The Nile was there before the pyramids, it will be there after the pyramids. The Nile is a desert Oasis, perhaps the world’s largest. The Nile subsumes all that is Egypt into a single syllable. That’s why it is a tremendous cab name. Kudos, brownie points, and Jersey shore fist pumps to you, Mr. Nile Cab driver.

Next is the Red Top Cab.  On one hand, Red Top Cab is as boring a name as Yellow Cab, as it merely describes the car’s paint job. But there are relatively few Red Top Cabs, and the red / soft yellow is a refreshing break from the 80s-yellow of most San Diego Cabs, so Red Top Cab has that going for it. Plus, very few cab names are three words (In Touch Cab and Call Me Cab are the only two I can think of off the top of my head). Moreover, it’s kinda-sorta savvy to get your cab’s top in your name and marketing strategy, since the cab’s top is the first thing most people see when they sight a cab. But why red? Red’s hard to see at night, and there are a lot of red sedans. And what if you forget to turn on your cab light? People won’t even see you, Red Top Cab. But Carrot Top Cab – now that would be funny. And possibly a trademark / copyright infringement. But it’d recognizable, unforgettable even, and held in high regard here at Dueling Barstools. Red Cloud Cab would have been good too, although Native Americans wouldn’t like you appropriating the name of one of history’s greater statesman and warriors. Red Top Cab gets . . . more kudos than Yellow cab, but not nearly as many kudos as Sea Cab, In Touch Cab, or Mogogo cab.

Third is the Cash Cab. When I first spotted Cash Cab I thought, wished, – no – I ran unabashedly towards it in hopes it was part of the Cash Cab tv show that M.Wife and I Itotally kick ass at when we watch it at home. Seriously, put some combination of Pila, Neil, Cadwell, J.Love, Paulie, and Divinryan in a cab and we’d run the table. Yes that is a challenge to you, Cash Cab tv show. Anway, does the Cash Cab only take Cash? Is that cool with whatever city agency regulates cabs? Is the Cash Cab’s driver a huge Johnny Cash fan? (Click that link, it’s the world’s biggest Johnny Cash fan.) Then again, who isn’t a Johnny Cash fan. Maybe it’s a misspelling due to, in the words of loyal Dueling Barstools reader SarahB, the “cultural origin, the fleeting emotional impulse, and/or nascent grasp of the English language that prompt[s] these name selections[?]” Is Cash Cab supposed to be Cache Cab? But Cache has so many meanings, unless you include the accent over the ‘e.’ And if you have the accent over the ‘e,’ then you’ve got a French cab. And who wants to ride in a French cab, in America? Yes that was a rhetorical question. This is only Cash Cab, and there’s no game show included. That means he wants to take your hard earned cash. I know, all Cabs do. But the Cash Cab is so brazen about telling you he wants your cash. In that sense it’s almost insulting.

Finally, The H-Z Cab. I really have no idea where to begin speculating. But I digress. Maybe the driver doesn’t like letters A-G? At least it’s not the AGW cab – that’d be too much to bear in so many ways. Actually, the fact that the AGW Cab (assuming it’s not a Prius) would most likely stand for “Actual Weight of Gold,” rather than Anthropogenic Global Warming, is really funny. Especially if the cab is bright yellow. And the driver bites it upon request.

Holy. Shit. It just came to me. This is the Hotel Zulu Cab. Think military language, interested readers. But what the fuck does Hotel Zulu mean? A quick google search doesn’t reveal much, but unsurprisingly there are several hotels in Africa named “Zulu” or “Zulu Hotel.” *Note to Hawai’i peeps: Google says there exists a Shakaland Hotel. Really.*

Until further articulable facts allow for the reasonable inference that H-Z Cab (“Hotel Zulu”) is secret code for some nefarious plot that only Dueling Barstools and its legion handful (but growing) of loyal readers can solve, I cannot jump to such a bold conclusion. (Please, vigilant citizen-heroes, keep on the lookout for other “[letter]-[letter"] cabs, take a picture, and upload it to the DuelingBarstools fan-page on Facebook.) For now, Occam’s Razor says this cab driver has a legal or equitable interest in a Hotel named Zulu in Africa.  But if you hear about a plot to destroy the shining light on the hill that is most of San Diego do not, i repeat, do not be surprised if it implicates H-Z Cab. You heard it here first.

Friday Cab Roundup – yeehaw! But I digress.

First up is the Amir Cab.  While this driver certainly isn’t the first person to name his/her business or cab after him/herself, Amir cab doesn’t earn any style points.

My apologies for the blurry image. I present to you Black White Cab. Perhaps the idea of a post-racial society inspired this name?  No.  A post racial cab would just be “Cab.”  Then again President Obama, the herald of our non post-racial age, gave his autobiography a decidedly non-post racial subtitle – Dreams from My Father: a Story of Race and Inheritance. So go figure.

The In Touch Cab, a Cab name that a marketer could spin a number of ways. The Cab that keeps you in touch with others.  The Cab you can keep in touch with – it connotes the idea that you can call the cab directly.  The Cab that understands you.  The Cab in touch with its feelings.  Maybe that’s it!  In Touch Cab is another way of saying ‘Sensitive Cab.”  I suppose if In Touch Cab was pink it’d be a dead giveaway that In Touch is man-code for sensitive.  But In Touch Cab isn’t pink. It’s not sensitive, it’s just in touch, with you.  Great name.

This might be my favorite cab, the Sea Cab.  A brief reading from John Masefield is appropriate:  

I must down to the seas again, to the lonely sea and the sky,
And all I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by.

I’m pretty clueless as to the inspiration behind the name Theus Cab. Any help is appreciated.

Cozy Cab is what you hail when you need to cuddle. I guess that makes it my wife’s favorite cab. Cozy is a decent name. Perhaps “comfort” cab would have been too much, as  Cozy cab appears no more comfortable than, say, Theus Cab. Or this clunker…

Yellow Cab. BORING..

Did some cab spotting this weekend, camera in tow.

First up is the Time Cab. In a perfect world the Time Cab would be a flux capacitor powered Delorean. Oh well.

Unfortunately I can’t muster any insightful or witty commentary about the Century Cab.. Hopefully you can. Recommendation: Me thinks it’d be awesome if Century Cab’s owner renamed his cab Centurion Cab and dressed as a Roman soldier.

Eye Cab. I like the Eye Cab, but I’m not sure why. I think the owner of Eye cab should, like Prince, adopt a symbol – perhaps the Eye of Providence – as his cab’s name.

Here’s a doozy – Call Me A Cab. It’s creative, and makes me think. Why does the cab want to be called “A CAB?” Why not just “CAB.” I think “Call me Cab” would be awesome, because it’d be a play on “Call me Ishmael,” the famous opening line of Moby Dick.

Surely the sky-blue Aviator Cab is the cab of choice for pilots, or anyone going to Lindbergh Field. Good info on San Diego’s “Special Relationship with Charles Lindbergh” here.

Nice Cab. When I see the Nice Cab I think of episode ten of season ten of South Park, Miss Teacher Bangs A Boy, because a sub-theme in that episode is the men of South Park saying “Nice . . . ”

I bring to you, Mogogo Cab. For many moons I wondered about the meaning of Mogogo. You have to admit, it’s a pretty mysterious, weird name. If I had to guess I’d say someone got high, mispronounced “Mo-Fo” as Mogogo, and an opportunistic cab driver to be named his vehicle Mogogo so his friend never forgets that one night he was so wasted he couldn’t even swear.

UnFortunately the Internet exists to sap the mystery out of anything remotely interesting by supplying actual information. Alas, sometimes I prefer conjecture. Anyway, a minute on Google reveals that Mogogo is Eritrean in origin. A Mogogo is a type of stove (picture here) used to bake Injera, a traditional Eritrean bread.

Apparently, baking Injera consumes 40% of Eritrea’s energy resources.  As such, building a more efficient Mogogo “can potentially have dramatic positive impacts on the Eritrean standard of living.”  Improving the efficiency of baking Injera is so important that the Eritrean Energy Research and Training Division of the Department of Energy of the Ministry of Energy, Mines and Water Resources (really) apparently invented and rigorously tested a “finite element heat balance model for an electric” Mogogo.  Awesome. Abstract of their lengthy report is below:

The greatest energy savings is attained by using enjera batter with a low water content (a savings method in widespread use in the Eritrean Highlands) and a cooking style that produces moist, thick to medium thick enjera. Major improvements in efficiency are also predicted if cooking plate thermal conductivity is improved. Modeling predicts that most of the efficiency improvements can be obtained by simply using modified clays of higher conductivity, rather than changing to metal cooking plates. The modeling in combination with the experimental results aid in formulating a series of actions to aid in the promotion and development of improved enjera cooking efficiency.

Mogogo is also the name of at least two restaurants, one in Copenhagen and another in Holland.

I’m looking forward to riding in the Mogogo cab. I want to ask the cab driver whether he uses a traditional wood or dung fired Mogogo or broke down (stepped up?) and purchased an electric Mogogo. I’d like to inquire whether the Mogogo is a well known Eritrean symbol. Most of all, I’d like him to laugh at me, ask what the hell I’m talking about, and tell me that his buddy couldn’t say “Mo-Fo” one night at a bar, it came out as “Mogogo,” and that’s why he named his cab Mogogo. Because it’s funny, not serious.

Home Boy Cab.

A catchy name to some, not particularly enticing to others. What exactly is a ‘home boy,’ anyway? The formal version of “homie?” Consider:

Homie (or homey) is a contraction of the American slang words “homeboy” or “homebuddies” which became prevalent among some of the youth in Latino and African American communities starting in the late 1960s and continuing up to the present, particularly in the hip hop subculture.

Does this mean the Home Boy cab misspelled his name? Even wiki has it spelled as “homeboy.”  Moreover, Home Boy lacks the useless, theft inducing accessories I would expect of a taxi cab playing upon hip hop / urban slang. Yes, Home Boy Cab must be . . . something else.

An exhaustive .28 second search of the internet for use of the term “Home Boy” in recent literature reveals a 2009 novel, Home Boy, by H. M. Naqvi. According to Lee Siegal, author, Love in a Dead Language, Home Boy is

“[a] marvelous literary achievement shaped by a refreshingly humane, irresistibly cool, and distinctly curried sensibility. From the word go, Home Boy is populated by larger-than-life characters and big ideas. It will make you think, laugh out loud, possibly cry, and at times, dance with joy.  You won’t even notice that H. M. Naqvi has redefined South Asian literature.”

“[a] genre busting, page-turning debut, HOME BOYfuses street slang and literary discourse, pop culture and politics, history and comedy, East and West. Ultimately, though, HOME BOY is a thoughtful story about a boy who becomes a man in these fraught and frightening times.”