Passenger Ships In Danger of Polar Bear Attack [Updated]

Serially.

(CNN) — Thirty to 40 ships — including several passenger ships — were stuck Thursday in ice off the coast of Sweden, said a spokesman for the Maritime Search and Rescue Center in Gothenburg, Sweden.

The area of the Baltic Sea worst hit by the ice were the waters bounded by mainland Sweden, the Stockholm archipelago and the Finnish island of Aland, said Tommy Gardebring, press officer with the Swedish Maritime Administration.

Several passenger vessels from Viking Line were stuck, he said. One of them had been freed.

“It has been a lot colder than normal in the southern parts of the Baltic sea, but in the north all is normal with normal levels of ice,” Gardebring said. “However, in the worst-affected areas, the ice breakers that normally operate haven’t been able to cope with the ice, which is why we are sending additional ice breakers.”

The extra help was expected to arrive around midnight (6 p.m. ET), he said.

That’s Elliot Spitzer and John Edwards’ story, and they’re sticking to it!

“There was never any danger for the safety of the vessels, but we have increased our preparedness, just in case, since the ice puts a lot of pressure on the sides of the ships,” Gardebring said.

But what about polar bear attack? (Fyi, it would have been awesome if above scenario occurred in Canada, so I could type “aboot”.)  I interviewed some notable celebrities on the matter.

Keith Olbermann declared: “You wear a crown of negligence, sir, having precluded the threat of polar bear attack in the tepid firing of neutrons you erroneously refer to as passenger risk analysis.”  Gardebring “acted stupidly,” averred President Obama. But Roger clemens came to Gardebring’s aid, saying that Gardebring simply “misunderstood the question.”

[Gardebring] predicted that most of the ships would be freed by Friday.

Predictions are only as good as the assumptions they rest on, and Gardebring forgot about the polar bears. Unbelievable.

UPDATED 3/4/2010 @ 5:10

No mention of polar bears in this article either, but a couple of noteworthy phrases.

STOCKHOLM – Dozens of ships including a passenger ferry with nearly 1,000 people on board were trapped Friday in heavy pack ice in the Baltic Sea off Sweden’s east coast, officials said. * * *

“There’s no danger for the passengers as long as there’s food and drink on board,” Lindvall told The Associated Press.

Sure, it’s all fun and games until a polar bear eats you.

Mats Nystrom, a passenger on the Amorella, told Swedish broadcaster SVT that there was no panic on the ship.

“The atmosphere is calm so there is no danger in that sense,” said Nystrom, who is a sports presenter for the network. He said the most dramatic event had been when the two ships touched.

No matter what came before “when the two ships touched,” it’s funny.

Humor, Socio-Political